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Parenting Ourselves

Since I’m doing a workshop called “Parenting Ourselves,” I thought I would explain a bit what that’s about.

Have you ever had the experience of witnessing an adult behaving like a temper tantrumming child, an afraid child or an inconsolable, sobbing child? Do you recall perhaps behaving like one, despite your intentions to remain calm in trying situations?

What you may realize is how often this actually happens! How can we help ourselves in those moments when we feel we can’t cope?

Daily life triggers us into the hurt child quite easily. (The child is the metaphor for the feeling.) It is the desire of the child to be accepted and understood. We may recreate similar situations over and over until we learn from them. We call that imprinting or blueprinting. Who is the part of us that can and is willing to accept and bring understanding to the child? S/He is what we call, the Healer or Parental Self.

“Parenting Ourselves” is how we help ourselves instead of merely coping. It is the Healer taking the role of a new, supportive parent to the child inside, in the moment of the trigger. Our parents did the best they could with the tools they had, the same as we as adults do the best we can with our own children. But we know best what we need now (and what we needed in the past) though we usually don’t realize it.

We are all learning as we go. There are so many variables, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment, even with the seemingly best advice and experience we can get outside of ourselves through well-meaning friends and family. The biggest variable: children have different needs beyond basic survival. When we are triggered in the moment (or rather, out of the moment, into the past) acting as children raising children, we can hardly give our kids what they need when they need us the most! So we must do what we can to be there for them completely as adults, not as triggered children!

It is not impossible, but it takes some practice and exploring choices when we are triggered in order to help ourselves, and be better equipped to help our little ones.

Working in Retrospect

We practice by working in retrospect with the imagination. Just as you can prepare yourself for tough projects or practice a new skill by visualization, you can learn how to be more present by re-visiting past events with your imagination and bringing the new information—what you have learned as an adult from the very mistakes you have made—to the event. We call this “Repairing the Past” and “Regression.”

We can also change the mind by releasing judgments. Judgments and beliefs are decisions made as a child affect our whole lives until we are conscious of them and choose to let them go. The judgments and beliefs we are letting go are the ones that are not helping us have the life the way we truly want it to be. “Judgment Release” makes this easy.

The Parenting Workshop teaches you to apply this information and facilitates support with the teacher and fellow students. You can ask questions and practice the new tools until you are ready to do it on your own.(Next month: What are triggers? How do you identify them? And then what?)

With practice you will be able to always be there for yourself! In the meantime you can remove yourself from the trigger until you feel you can help yourself again (“Parenting Ourselves.”) If you are afraid to revisit the past, know that you are not “re-living” the past. You are bringing resources to the past. You are bringing the one that can help you the best! Your adult self.

http://processcoachingwithcathybreshears.eventbrite.com For Registration! 

***If you’ve already taken the Foundations Class, you may audit this class for free. (Future workshops can be audited for half the cost.)

***The early bird discount is extended until the day of the workshop, which starts next week!

Part 2: Practical Food Ideas for Social Situations Away From Home

Green Smoothie

 

There is a food faster than “fast food!” It’s fruit! How easy is it to run into a grocery store for instant gratification with a bag of grapes, a bunch of bananas or a pint (or two) of blueberries?

This is a very simple solution to eating healthy that we forget to take advantage of. We’ve been misled to think that you have to leave fruit for a treat or dessert, that it can’t be a meal. Well it’s true that one piece of watermelon or a handful of grapes is not a meal. But a half watermelon is quite satisfying. A pound of grapes are also satisfying. A four pound container of fruit from Costco is quite enough for two to share.

I’m often asked if fruit causes diarrhea or stomach upset when too much is eaten. When this happens, it is not the fruit that is the problem, but what is already in the stomach and intestines. Eat fruit on a completely empty stomach. Wait at least three hours after your last meal before you eat fruit. If you’ve eaten meat, I’d wait even longer.

Fruit digests very quickly. Melons digest the fastest, about 10 minutes, so eat them alone. Most other fruits take about 10 minutes except for the heartier fruits like bananas and durian, which can take an hour to digest. Always eat fruit before you eat other food.

It may seem like you have diarrhea when actually, your stools will be looser than what you are used to eating fruits and vegetables. Don’t be alarmed. You will have to visit the bathroom more frequently than eating cooked food. Cooked foods can stay in your intestines from 3 hours to 3 days. Impacted food in the intestines is one cause for constipation and colon cancer, among other problems—keeping your intestines clear is good for your long term health.

Mixing fruit with other foods can really upset your stomach, although you have to be in touch with how your stomach feels to know this. Have you paid attention to your stomach after a meal? What is your body saying to you? Your body is trying to communicate with you all the time! Listen.

Road Trips and Camping

• Here is a quick list to bring along to make it easy for eating all kinds of fruits and veggies on a trip:
• 1 large knife
• Flexible cutting board
• Regular cutting board (for the lap of the passenger)
• salad bowl
• Small jar with lid for mixing salad dressing
• Eating utensils
• Plates or bowls
• Cooler and ice
• Dish towels

Bonus item if you have access to electricity:
Blender

Foods to bring or pick up along the way at grocery stores or fruit stands along the way:

 

• Bananas—Keep them in a box or container so they do not get smashed! Buy them green because they will ripen very fast in the car!
• Romaine lettuce for Green Smoothies
• Tomatoes
• Cucumbers
• Grapes
• Cherries
• Celery—Cut it up into bite size pieces
• Watermelon—Eat it all up! It doesn’t last long unless you keep it in the cooler but it takes up valuable space

These are suggestions for the Pacific Northwest in the summertime. Of course you’ll have to see what is available where you are travelling and whatever seasonal fruits are available.

What is great about this is you can completely avoid all the fast food available on the road!

Eating with Family and Friends

When eating dinner with family I tend to keep it very simple by bringing a huge salad that I enjoy. I eat it all myself! They look at it with curiosity and envy. Sometimes I’ll let them taste it. If they’re nice!

Since I eat a lot of fruit all day a salad full of tomatoes and cucumbers and peppers is filling. I use low-fat or no-fat dressing without any oil. Since I can finish off a big bowl of salad on my own quite easily I will make another one for everyone to share.

If I’m visiting for lunch and they insist on having food for me I tell them I love all fruit. I recently visited my friend Leslie in Bend, Oregon and she surprised me with a huge watermelon shell bowl filled with delicious berries! I hope she didn’t mind that I ate it all! She also made use of the watermelon in another fruit salad. I have to say it was the most fruit offered to me in a cooked household besides my mother’s house!

You might ask about the combination—that it goes against what I said about fruit combinations earlier in the article—it’s ok to make exceptions in times like this.

I was so grateful at the loving offering and I didn’t have any problems with the combinations. I tend to eat fruit as mono-meals (one fruit at a time) but this was quite a treat for me to be served with so much fruit as a meal. Thanks Les!

Sometimes I opt to forgo the meal altogether and eat before I arrive. Try this sometime! See how much of a meal eaten with friends is spent on actually eating the meal. The real joy of sharing a meal is the company, isn’t it?

Eating in Restaurants

I generally don’t enjoy eating in restaurants. Fruits and vegetables are extremely overpriced. I can make much more delicious and satisfying meals myself for far less. Try this: Take the money you have spent at a restaurant, and see how much fruit and vegetables you can buy! You’ll be amazed.

If I really want to join in, bringing my own salad dressing and special ordering a salad (very carefully!) seems to work the best. Talk directly to the chef for best results.

I have also told the restaurant staff that I am on a special diet given to me by my doctor and ask them to prepare my fruit. Most restaurants do not mind if I bring in a container of fruit or simply decline a menu completely.

Make Your Mind Your Friend

Once again, your mind is what will make a situation difficult. What you imagine could happen out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings is far worse than what happens in most cases. If you let your friends and families know immediately upon invitation that you are on a special diet, they will be very happy to accommodate.

I have not had one problem from others doing this—and you can always bring your own food. Think of it as another opportunity to show that there is a way to eat healthy in all situations.

You don’t have to speak one word of why you are doing it. As mentioned in my last article, you can always mention that you would rather speak about the reasons why at a later time.

Find a way to make it work for you instead of thinking about how it will go wrong. Anything is possible!

Check out my next workshop:
Parenting Ourselves: The Foundations of Process Coaching with Cathy Breshears

Wednesday, September 23, 2009 at 6:30 PM – Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 9:30 PM (PT)

For more info and registration:

http://processcoachingwithcathybreshears.eventbrite.com

How to Thrive Eating Differently Than the People Around You and in the Fast Food Culture We Live In (Part One)

You’ll notice when you change your diet, one of the challenges that comes up very quickly is the social aspect of eating. We are social creatures and most of our social gatherings revolve around food. Of course, we have to eat wherever we go!

I’ve been a vegetarian for 19 years now, so I’ve been experimenting with this a lot. However, this article is not going to be about eating vegetarian. It’s going to be about eating differently than the people in your life, wherever you go, regardless of what you are choosing to eat. Most of my examples however, will be vegan or low fat raw vegan.

Choice

We often forget this:what we put into our bodies is absolutely, as adults, our individual choice. I am often asked, “Is it OK for you to eat (fill in the blank)?” My response to this question is, “I can eat whatever I want!” Whatever I eat or do not eat is based on what diets or lifestyles (I consider yoga, vegetarian, raw foodist, etc., lifestyles rather than diets) I’m exploring. So here is another reminder for you: Different diets are not dogmas! Anytime you create a dogma for yourself, your whole being will resist and/or feel deprived.  Use the diet as a guideline, and feel what your body feels when you make changes. I find it useful to track the changes in writing so I can look back. When you start feeling good, you forget how you felt when you were eating the foods you don’t eat anymore.

I’ve definitely kept my family on their toes with all my dietary changes and experimenting over the years. But I do not feel deprived because I’m choosing foods that are healthy for my body. What is loving to remember, is that they also have a choice. So I don’t get up on my soap box and preach about what I eat. I’ve had to teach my daughter to be compassionate about others’ choices about eating meat. She hasn’t eaten meat her whole life, so to her it was a shock when people would “eat her friends.” To her, meat is not food! Most of our loved ones do eat meat, and we often eat together, so I had to quickly teach her not to exclaim, “Disgusting!” Rather, we explain why we don’t eat meat.

Defense

You don’t have to defend your choice to anyone, but it does help them to be compassionate with you. But first you have to be comfortable with it and compassionate with yourself.  Why are you eating the way you are?  Are you eating that way because someone told you to? Or is it because of something you learned? Educating yourself is the best defense if you want to have that conversation. But you don’t even have to have that conversation. Most of the questions I get are based on old food education (Basic 4 food groups or the food pyramid) or the media. The most common question I get is, “Where do you get your protein?”

Generally, if someone is asking questions, they are more open to discussing new ways, so this can be an invitation for learning. However, if someone is eating unconsciously, you might trigger some guilt they have about what they are eating.  Dr. Douglas Graham suggests a couple things you can say when you are asked about your way of eating during a meal: 1) Let the person know that you would love to talk to them after the meal. 2) Tell them a doctor prescribed the diet for you.  I generally will answer questions because it’s a subject that I love to discuss. But sometimes I would rather discuss other things!  It can be quite fascinating to people when you only eat raw fruits and vegetables, so it’s a hot topic!

Judgment

If you are having a hard time, or finding yourself defensive or upset, the easiest way to work with it is, as always, with yourself. This can go both ways. You can become angry that you are being judged or attacked (which could mean that you believe what they are saying to you on some level), or you may feel angry or upset about the way they are eating (which could mean you are angry or upset about the way you are treating yourself, generally speaking.) To break from this pattern, when you start to feel these feelings, allow them to be just as they are.  To do that, pause and reflect before you react. If you need to step away from the situation triggering you, do that. Imagine a small child is feeling the feelings and be receptive and loving to the part of you that is upset and angry.  If it is an emergency, you can imagine you’re holding the child and say, “I love you” over and over. If you have more time, ask “What is the judgment?” and follow these steps. Judgment Release Practice.

Next month: Part 2: Practical Food Ideas for Social Situations

Low-fat Raw Spaghetti

You’ll notice when you change your diet, one of the challenges that comes up very quickly is the social aspect of eating. We are social creatures and most of our social gatherings revolve around food. Of course, we have to eat wherever we go!

I’ve been a vegetarian for 19 years now, so I’ve been experimenting with this a lot. However, this article is not going to be about eating vegetarian. It’s going to be about eating differently than the people in your life, wherever you go, regardless of what you are choosing to eat. Most of my examples however, will be vegan or low fat raw vegan, which is how I eat presently.

Choice

We often forget this: what we put into our bodies is absolutely, as adults, our individual choice. I am often asked, “Is it OK for you to eat (fill in the blank)?” My response to this question is, “I can eat whatever I want!” Whatever I eat or do not eat is based on what diets or lifestyles (I consider yoga, vegetarian, raw foodist, etc., lifestyles rather than diets) I’m exploring. So here is another reminder for you: Different diets are not dogmas! Anytime you create a dogma for yourself, your whole being will resist and/or feel deprived.  Use the diet as a guideline, and feel what your body feels when you make changes. I find it useful to track the changes in writing so I can look back. When you start feeling good, you forget how you felt when you were eating the foods you don’t eat anymore.

I’ve definitely kept my family on their toes with all my dietary changes and experimenting over the years. But I do not feel deprived because I’m choosing foods that are healthy for my body. What is loving to remember, is that they also have a choice. So I don’t get up on my soap box and preach about what I eat. I’ve had to teach my daughter to be compassionate about others’ choices about eating meat. She hasn’t eaten meat her whole life, so to her it was a shock when people would “eat her friends.” To her, meat is not food! Most of our loved ones do eat meat, and we often eat together, so I had to quickly teach her not to exclaim, “Disgusting!” Rather, we explain why we don’t eat meat.

Defense

You don’t have to defend your choice to anyone, but it does help them to be compassionate with you. But first you have to be comfortable with it and compassionate with yourself.  Why are you eating the way you are?  Are you eating that way because someone told you to? Or is it because of something you learned? Educating yourself is the best defense if you want to have that conversation. But you don’t even have to have that conversation. Most of the questions I get are based on old food education (Basic 4 food groups or the food pyramid) or the media. The most common question I get is, “Where do you get your protein?”

Generally, if someone is asking questions, they are more open to discussing new ways, so this can be an invitation for learning. However, if someone is eating unconsciously, you might trigger some guilt they have about what they are eating.  Dr. Douglas Graham suggests a couple things you can say when you are asked about your way of eating during a meal: 1) Let the person know that you would love to talk to them after the meal. 2) Tell them a doctor prescribed the diet for you.  I generally will answer questions because it’s a subject that I love to discuss. But sometimes I would rather discuss other things!  It can be quite fascinating to people when you only eat raw fruits and vegetables, so it’s a hot topic!

Judgment

If you are having a hard time, or finding yourself defensive or upset, the easiest way to work with it is, as always, with yourself. This can go both ways. You can become angry that you are being judged or attacked (which could mean that you believe what they are saying to you on some level), or you may feel angry or upset about the way they are eating (which could mean you are angry or upset about the way you are treating yourself, generally speaking.) To break from this pattern, when you start to feel these feelings, allow them to be just as they are.  To do that, pause and reflect before you react. If you need to step away from the situation triggering you, do that. Imagine a small child is feeling the feelings and be receptive and loving to the part of you that is upset and angry.  If it is an emergency, you can imagine you’re holding the child and say, “I love you” over and over. If you have more time, feel the feeling,  ask “What is the judgment?” and follow these steps. Judgment Release Practice.

Next month: Part 2: Practical Food Ideas for Social Situations

Mental/Psychological attitude and Heart Health (responding to Dr. Nick Friedman’s “Naturopathic Notes”)

Rather than talking about positive or negative thinking, I like to think about focusing on what I want, instead of what I don’t want. That is where choice does come in, as Dr. Nick mentioned in his blog. One of my mentors described it to me as choosing from a great feast, only the things I truly want—whether that is about food or what I want for my life. (I also try to steer clear of good and bad judgments, which includes using the words “positive and negative.” The feelings and expression of feelings have been judged as negative or lesser than what is in the mind, but mind and feelings are equally important.)

On the subject of heart health, how loving are you to yourself will effect you physically. You can eat a raw vegan, low fat diet, exercise daily and do everything recommended for heart health but if you do not pay attention to the emotional aspect, you are not working for the “Wholeness” that is you. Your whole being needs to be nurtured and cared for, including your emotional heart. What that means varies for each of us though.

How do you practice loving yourself? It does take practice, because we’ve been taught to love and serve others above ourselves. I have to practice myself. When I feel the urge to pour love into someone, when I am feeling unhappy or uncomfortable, I look at where that urge is coming from. Is it coming from an expression of love for another? Or is it coming from a desire or need to be loved in the way that I am expressing it?

If it is coming from a need, rather than a true expression of love, I turn it inward to myself. I buy the flowers for my own home, take time to do something that really nurtures me (instead of trying to make everyone else happy), or simply take time to sit with myself with all my attenion inward. I fulfill my own needs. From there my heart opens and I have much more desire to express love and joy to people in my life, in fact its boundless!

Affirmations, positive thinking and mantras help to focus the mind to retrain it to be supportive to the self, but they are not the end-all to well-being. It is also important to listen to all parts of the self, including the feelings and the body. When they are all integrated and coming again, from the Whole, true well being and health can be attained.

Process Coaching classes will begin in September. Please let me know if you’d like to attend a demo or come to the classes.

www. CathyBreshears.com

CathyBreshears@gmail.com

Love Denied

The different kinds of denial that we work with in Process Coaching are basically denial of the self (love and acceptance), and deep denial energy. It is not necessary to work with the denial of others, because once you stop denying yourself and become accepting of yourself, you will not deny others. You may choose to not have them in your life or focus on them, but you do not deny their existence or who they are.

Denial has been a problem for us because we cannot see whatever we are denying. Where there is denial present, love cannot be present. Once you’ve seen what’s been in denial, it is no longer a denial, and the light of understanding and feeling can come together into balance and loving acceptance.

How do we see what we’ve been denying? A strong indication of a denial presence is a “bad feeling” felt in your body. The judgment or thought or value that is unsupportive or unloving that says you or something you’ve said, done, believed or felt is wrong. The people in our lives we hire in our “movie” (See Movie Metaphor)  will reflect what we’ve denied in ourselves that we love and that we don’t love until we “peel off the projection” and bring it home. So it’s helpful and interesting to look at what the reflections are showing us and bringing back the parts we’ve denied, home to ourselves.

When we adore people we generally love what they are reflecting that we love about ourselves. That usually isn’t a problem for us, unless the love is not returned. It can be quite enjoyable to love yourself through another. (Although loving yourself in yourself and loving the other as they are is even more satisfying!!)

When we dislike or hate another person, it is helpful to ask, when have I been like this person? The fiercer that we deny we are like them, the more likely we are denying that we are just that, like them, and refuse to look at how or when we have been like them. (You hit the jackpot to begin the quest for self knowledge!!)

Deep denial energy is a little different but just as easy to release. (For more information about deep denial energy read the article HERE. ) Indications of deep denial energy are apparent when there are thoughts of hurting the self or another, as in suicide and abuse.

 Deep denial energy and self denial do not allow love in so it can seem quite difficult to bring love into where it is needed the most without the tools of Process Coaching to release them. It is not a lost cause and can be helped quite easily.

If this sounds familiar, let me know or come to a Process Coaching workshop near you. There are also Coaches available for telephone sessions, where I will be one of them, at our website. 

Yoga: My Yoga workshops are now on my calendar at www.cathybreshears.com

 To register for the next Spring Cleaning Yoga Workshop on May 30th, please go here and use password CathyB.

How to Accept Our Loved One’s Choices

Often times we are going about fine, OK or we think “I shouldn’t complain, should I?” But when we look at others’ lives we really get set off.  We get angry or hurt and just plain “can’t understand” why they do what they do. Why do they hurt me? What did I do to deserve this?

Of course we often cannot understand absolutely what another’s choices are. But we can have compassion for them and listen to their reasoning or understanding  and begin to understand their choices by looking from their perspective.  But even with all the tools of compassion and understanding, what is most important is not why or what anyone has done, but how we feel about it.

We cannot change anyone. We often cannot get our loved ones to do what we want, but we are not meant to do that. All we can do is work with how we feel about it. It is a learning process for some to know what they are truly feeling in the moment. Often we are triggered into an earlier experience that is unresolved or there are beliefs and judgments confusing what we really feel. Unraveling or Releasing the Judgments takes the discomfort off of the emotions. The past trauma causing triggered emotions to resurface in the present isn’t even as important as the feeling that is coming up. The feeling needs to be loved and accepted just the way it is.

So another’s choice bothering us is actually an opportunity to bring support to feelings and parts of ourselves that we have never been able to accept or support until now. Learning to accept and support the feeling is loving the feeling and loving ourselves.

When we follow the feeling to find what is needed to support it and bring love to it, we can allow our loved ones to make the choices right for them and they will learn to do the same for us.
www.cathybreshears.com
www.processcoaching.com/cathy

Who cares what people think? I do what I want!

Most of us do care what people think, whether conscious or unconscious. We have been taught to care what our families, friends and community think about our choices. It’s another way of controlling our behavior with guilt. You can see a lot of it manifested in the tabloids about celebrities. (Can you believe so and so did that??!!!) Tabloids are a stomping ground for judging humans we have projected our own self worth onto.

We all are subject to “feeling bad” about our choices if it does not benefit the greater good. Actually, it’s very important that we do what is right for us, and all will benefit, though it might not be apparent immediately.

Now is the time for us to find our right place in the world. One of my teachers always says, “In nature, you don’t see a tree trying to be a bush, or a fox trying to be a wolf. Each plant and animal is an essential part of the ecosystem.” The human ecosystem also benefits when each person is doing what they love. It may seem a long way before we will allow everyone to do what they love, but there has been a great shift in this direction.

Parenting has changed a lot to allow children to be themselves instead of fitting into the family “mold.” New ways of teaching are developing to allow individual expression and child-led learning, as with Wallingford and Montessori schools, as well as homeschooling.

Have you ever had the experience of telling family or friends about something you are going to do and felt a weight in your stomach that did not feel good, and shifted what you did so they felt better about it? This reaction is guilt in you, or blame coming from them. Ever experienced a guilt trip? The good news is that it is easy to release the guilt. Once the guilt is released, you can make your choice based on what is right for you. This is another way that Process Coaching can assist you. We can find what is bothering you and get to the heart of the matter. We use Judgment Release plus looking into what you really, really want with Exploring Core Desire. We do not need guilt to be loving humans, but to be loving to ourselves spreads out to all people that we touch.

(To be continued, next month, with How to Accept Our Loved Ones Choices.) For more information about Process Coaching, go to www.ProcessCoaching.com.

Changing your way of eating…

The words I hear all the time when I suggest a change of diet are “It’s so hard!” When you think it is hard, it really is hard! I will come back to how we work with changing mind with PC. But even shifting perspectives or changing frames can help before the PC work begins.

I started with the title, “Changing your way of eating…” because I don’t really like to refer to it as a diet. When a diet is mentioned, it’s generally considered for weight loss. What I am talking about and encouraging is Optimal Health, so it’s more of a lifestyle change than a diet. But even a lifestyle change can be daunting to think of because it seems like your life could change in ways you’re not willing to change. For example, changing the way you eat can be quite tricky when eating out. I’m going to talk about a low fat raw vegan diet though it can apply for any change in diet. There are only two raw food restaurants currently open in the Seattle area, so as a raw foodist, if you want to eat out, you have to get creative! (The fact that low fat raw is harder to find on a raw food restaurant menu is another subject. I suggest the produce section!)

I learned from my favorite raw foodist experts, Roger Haeske, Dr. Douglas Graham and Frederic Patenaude, how to do this eloquently, so I’ll pass it on to you here. First, consider that eating out is more for the pleasure of company than the food. It is divine to be served and catered to when eating out. But really we eat out to enjoy the experience of eating out. It is the reason why so much effort and art are put into décor, ambience and presentation. So there are a couple things you can do to prepare for a dinner out.

Remember that it is your choice and you are the one that is making the decision to eat in a new way. The reasons can vary, even when life threatening in cases of cancer and disease, and even if recommended by your doctor, but it is ultimately your choice. So when people ask you if you “can” eat this or that, kindly let them know that you can eat whatever you want!  You are choosing to be more conscious of what you are putting into your body. 

Let them know that you can talk to them about the reasons you are changing your diet after the meal. It’s much more enjoyable to visit than talking about your diet for the __th time! Plus it can be received as a criticism of their own choices, especially if they are not happy with them.

Before you go out, prepare a favorite salad dressing and bring it in a small container that you can fit in your pocket or purse. You can let the server know that you are on a special diet and even ask them to put the dressing on the salad for you.

Eat a large amount of fruit before you get there. This can be as decadent as eating a fancy meal at a restaurant. When you satisfy your appetite before going out, your resistance against foods you no longer want to eat will be stronger.

Or bring your own fruit when eating out. Once again, let the server know that you are on a special diet and ask them to put the fruit on a plate for you. You can always call in advance and find out if it’s OK, in order to allay any fears or concerns that might come up. I have not been denied my requests yet. 

Prepare your own meal at home and invite guests to try your new fare.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve surprised and educated family and friends by eating the way I want to and inviting them to join me.

Another more expensive option is to order from a chef that delivers, although they also tend to be fatty (high in nuts, seeds, oils and avocado). There are all kinds of delivery services available, even raw meals.

These are just a few examples. I’m sure you can come up with more ideas! 

As far as the mind goes, you can either fight it or ask it to help.  There are a couple exercises in PC that we use to shift mind into helping gear: 

 

Judgment release helps a lot, as always. Is it really hard to change your diet? Try one thing at a time. You don’t have to do it all at once.

 

Asking the question, do you really, really really want what it is you are craving or feeling like you’re missing out on? Get to the Core Desire of what you want once you have that thing you think you want so much, before you eat it.

Talk to your Body! Direct Dialogue with Body is an excellent exercise. 

You have all the answers to your health questions. You might need a little practice to distinguish mind from body at first, but your body is talking to you all the time. Start listening. Eat one food at a time and see how your body responds. Remember that our bodies are generally severely out of balance. I am not talking about running after food cravings we know are not healthful! I’m talking about the stomachache after eating a meal!

 

Be patient. Body changes don’t happen overnight. Your current body form is the response and reflection of what you have been eating and how you have been exercising and loving your body. Be consistent with your new way of eating for at least 30 days, and even better, for 90 days to see your body remade.  

Be kind to yourself. When you slip up from eating in new ways, remember how long you’ve been eating in old ways!  Old patterns are only broken when they are finally broken!  You are the only one who can break your own old patterns, and they will pull you in until you do. Resist!  Every time you strengthen yourself in the direction of how you want to eat, you will find yourself even stronger to make other changes, and your Body will thank you. When the thought, “It’s too hard,” comes to mind, change your mind.

Self Love and Hurting the Ones We Love

It can seem very difficult to do what we want also because we are empathic beings. We have the awareness and often it is sentient (feeling) awareness that our loved ones feel pain by our choices.  Discovering what we want is the easy part when speaking directly to our core desire. The second part is to give our desire what she wants and follow through to help, and make it so. Then, we must allow others to have the feelings they have about our choices.

Sometimes just that you exist is enough to hurt another, but again it is not you who is causing the pain.  It seems like we are the cause because we are the triggers. But we are not the cause. The cause can be difficult to see when the feelings are in a state of denial from the past, so we blame the trigger.

Then we avoid doing what we want or hiding the facts that we have done what we want in the moment, even if it’s a mistake that we would like to rewrite if we could, rather than hurt another. So now we are truly hurting ourselves in shame, another facet of guilt and judgment. Because we are so enmeshed in our relationships with each other we find it difficult to differentiate between the trigger, the other person’s feelings and our own feelings.

In Process work we use Perceptual Positions to differentiate and follow feelings back to the source of self denial and pain, to get to the real matter at hand. We practice in retrospect until we can use the tools in the moment of a trigger.

The Perceptual Positions and Judgment Release make it easy to let go of bad “feelings” of guilt, shame and even blame. Compassion and love are able to come through and shine light on the situation.

The bigger picture is revealed and it can be seen that what is best for one person, allows each to find their right place without tip toeing around to please the other.