Archive for May, 2009

Love Denied

May 18, 2009

The different kinds of denial that we work with in Process Coaching are basically denial of the self (love and acceptance), and deep denial energy. It is not necessary to work with the denial of others, because once you stop denying yourself and become accepting of yourself, you will not deny others. You may choose to not have them in your life or focus on them, but you do not deny their existence or who they are.

Denial has been a problem for us because we cannot see whatever we are denying. Where there is denial present, love cannot be present. Once you’ve seen what’s been in denial, it is no longer a denial, and the light of understanding and feeling can come together into balance and loving acceptance.

How do we see what we’ve been denying? A strong indication of a denial presence is a “bad feeling” felt in your body. The judgment or thought or value that is unsupportive or unloving that says you or something you’ve said, done, believed or felt is wrong. The people in our lives we hire in our “movie” (See Movie Metaphor)  will reflect what we’ve denied in ourselves that we love and that we don’t love until we “peel off the projection” and bring it home. So it’s helpful and interesting to look at what the reflections are showing us and bringing back the parts we’ve denied, home to ourselves.

When we adore people we generally love what they are reflecting that we love about ourselves. That usually isn’t a problem for us, unless the love is not returned. It can be quite enjoyable to love yourself through another. (Although loving yourself in yourself and loving the other as they are is even more satisfying!!)

When we dislike or hate another person, it is helpful to ask, when have I been like this person? The fiercer that we deny we are like them, the more likely we are denying that we are just that, like them, and refuse to look at how or when we have been like them. (You hit the jackpot to begin the quest for self knowledge!!)

Deep denial energy is a little different but just as easy to release. (For more information about deep denial energy read the article HERE. ) Indications of deep denial energy are apparent when there are thoughts of hurting the self or another, as in suicide and abuse.

 Deep denial energy and self denial do not allow love in so it can seem quite difficult to bring love into where it is needed the most without the tools of Process Coaching to release them. It is not a lost cause and can be helped quite easily.

If this sounds familiar, let me know or come to a Process Coaching workshop near you. There are also Coaches available for telephone sessions, where I will be one of them, at our website. 

Yoga: My Yoga workshops are now on my calendar at

 To register for the next Spring Cleaning Yoga Workshop on May 30th, please go here and use password CathyB.

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