Posts Tagged ‘alternative parenting’

Parenting Ourselves

September 18, 2009

penguinSince I’m doing a workshop called “Parenting Ourselves,” I thought I would explain a bit what that’s about.

Have you ever had the experience of witnessing an adult behaving like a temper tantrumming child, an afraid child or an inconsolable, sobbing child? Do you recall perhaps behaving like one, despite your intentions to remain calm in trying situations?

What you may realize is how often this actually happens! How can we help ourselves in those moments when we feel we can’t cope?

Daily life triggers us into the hurt child quite easily. (The child is the metaphor for the feeling.) It is the desire of the child to be accepted and understood. We may recreate similar situations over and over until we learn from them. We call that imprinting or blueprinting. Who is the part of us that can and is willing to accept and bring understanding to the child? S/He is what we call, the Healer or Parental Self.

“Parenting Ourselves” is how we help ourselves instead of merely coping. It is the Healer taking the role of a new, supportive parent to the child inside, in the moment of the trigger. Our parents did the best they could with the tools they had, the same as we as adults do the best we can with our own children. But we know best what we need now (and what we needed in the past) though we usually don’t realize it.

We are all learning as we go. There are so many variables, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment, even with the seemingly best advice and experience we can get outside of ourselves through well-meaning friends and family. The biggest variable: children have different needs beyond basic survival. When we are triggered in the moment (or rather, out of the moment, into the past) acting as children raising children, we can hardly give our kids what they need when they need us the most! So we must do what we can to be there for them completely as adults, not as triggered children!

It is not impossible, but it takes some practice and exploring choices when we are triggered in order to help ourselves, and be better equipped to help our little ones.

Working in Retrospect

We practice by working in retrospect with the imagination. Just as you can prepare yourself for tough projects or practice a new skill by visualization, you can learn how to be more present by re-visiting past events with your imagination and bringing the new information—what you have learned as an adult from the very mistakes you have made—to the event. We call this “Repairing the Past” and “Regression.”

We can also change the mind by releasing judgments. Judgments and beliefs are decisions made as a child affect our whole lives until we are conscious of them and choose to let them go. The judgments and beliefs we are letting go are the ones that are not helping us have the life the way we truly want it to be. “Judgment Release” makes this easy.

The Parenting Workshop teaches you to apply this information and facilitates support with the teacher and fellow students. You can ask questions and practice the new tools until you are ready to do it on your own.(Next month: What are triggers? How do you identify them? And then what?)

With practice you will be able to always be there for yourself! In the meantime you can remove yourself from the trigger until you feel you can help yourself again (“Parenting Ourselves.”) If you are afraid to revisit the past, know that you are not “re-living” the past. You are bringing resources to the past. You are bringing the one that can help you the best! Your adult self.

http://processcoachingwithcathybreshears.eventbrite.com For Registration! 

***If you’ve already taken the Foundations Class, you may audit this class for free. (Future workshops can be audited for half the cost.)

***The early bird discount is extended until the day of the workshop, which starts next week!


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