Savasana: My blog has been in corpse pose

Savasana, the corpse pose in yoga, is the rest at the end of your yoga practice. Its not really about being dead or even acting like the dead. It is resting so deeply that the mind is at rest.

My blog as been in this state of rest. I’ve been resting from deadlines, from newsletters, from toiling away at the computer,  from jumping out of my hiding place, right back to where it is safe and quiet and in Body, in present time and healing space. Blogging is a strange world. It’s a lot of thinking and writing at the computer, although I could write my blog on paper and then type it on the computer. But I have the feeling it might… just… not… ever… happen that way.

So here I am again.

I took a break from venturing out in my attempt to reach people and share what I do in the world, to share what I love and what I’m creating in my life. I didn’t really understand how to get my blog out and read by people. I do thank my friends and family for their support in reading my blog but that is where it stopped. Sometimes I’d get a random hit on the most popular blog post I have written so far,”Projection, Perception and Communication.”

I didn’t start the blog for the sake of becoming well-read. Despite not reading for the sake of being read, I did feel that I was talking to myself at times. It’s much easier to do that in my journal by my bed. I don’t have to edit it or find pictures and tag words!  I started the blog so I had a place to share my exploration of myself, and to teach while learning. I teach what I want to learn. It began with teaching yoga and now my learning has expanded into so much more, including blogging. See my first blog about my “Intent.”

My first yoga teacher, Diane Wilson, suggested reviewing my intention with teaching periodically as I went through my official training to teach yoga. Intention can easily be lost. Especially on the path of healing to wholeness. So with this rest, I bring compassion for my self while I sure have been through a lot since the last blog I actually wrote. It is as if lifetimes have been resolved in a few years!

Sometimes, I learned the hard way, in day-to-day experience without realized support, my head buried in the sand. Other times, I remembered to use the tools that I have learned. It’s getting easier and easier to remember and believe the support that I have had all along.

With gratitude, I pass it on…

Parenting Ourselves

Since I’m doing a workshop called “Parenting Ourselves,” I thought I would explain a bit what that’s about.

Have you ever had the experience of witnessing an adult behaving like a temper tantrumming child, an afraid child or an inconsolable, sobbing child? Do you recall perhaps behaving like one, despite your intentions to remain calm in trying situations?

What you may realize is how often this actually happens! How can we help ourselves in those moments when we feel we can’t cope?

Daily life triggers us into the hurt child quite easily. (The child is the metaphor for the feeling.) It is the desire of the child to be accepted and understood. We may recreate similar situations over and over until we learn from them. We call that imprinting or blueprinting. Who is the part of us that can and is willing to accept and bring understanding to the child? S/He is what we call, the Healer or Parental Self.

“Parenting Ourselves” is how we help ourselves instead of merely coping. It is the Healer taking the role of a new, supportive parent to the child inside, in the moment of the trigger. Our parents did the best they could with the tools they had, the same as we as adults do the best we can with our own children. But we know best what we need now (and what we needed in the past) though we usually don’t realize it.

We are all learning as we go. There are so many variables, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment, even with the seemingly best advice and experience we can get outside of ourselves through well-meaning friends and family. The biggest variable: children have different needs beyond basic survival. When we are triggered in the moment (or rather, out of the moment, into the past) acting as children raising children, we can hardly give our kids what they need when they need us the most! So we must do what we can to be there for them completely as adults, not as triggered children!

It is not impossible, but it takes some practice and exploring choices when we are triggered in order to help ourselves, and be better equipped to help our little ones.

Working in Retrospect

We practice by working in retrospect with the imagination. Just as you can prepare yourself for tough projects or practice a new skill by visualization, you can learn how to be more present by re-visiting past events with your imagination and bringing the new information—what you have learned as an adult from the very mistakes you have made—to the event. We call this “Repairing the Past” and “Regression.”

We can also change the mind by releasing judgments. Judgments and beliefs are decisions made as a child affect our whole lives until we are conscious of them and choose to let them go. The judgments and beliefs we are letting go are the ones that are not helping us have the life the way we truly want it to be. “Judgment Release” makes this easy.

The Parenting Workshop teaches you to apply this information and facilitates support with the teacher and fellow students. You can ask questions and practice the new tools until you are ready to do it on your own.(Next month: What are triggers? How do you identify them? And then what?)

With practice you will be able to always be there for yourself! In the meantime you can remove yourself from the trigger until you feel you can help yourself again (“Parenting Ourselves.”) If you are afraid to revisit the past, know that you are not “re-living” the past. You are bringing resources to the past. You are bringing the one that can help you the best! Your adult self.

http://processcoachingwithcathybreshears.eventbrite.com For Registration! 

***If you’ve already taken the Foundations Class, you may audit this class for free. (Future workshops can be audited for half the cost.)

***The early bird discount is extended until the day of the workshop, which starts next week!

Who cares what people think? I do what I want!

Most of us do care what people think, whether conscious or unconscious. We have been taught to care what our families, friends and community think about our choices. It’s another way of controlling our behavior with guilt. You can see a lot of it manifested in the tabloids about celebrities. (Can you believe so and so did that??!!!) Tabloids are a stomping ground for judging humans we have projected our own self worth onto.

We all are subject to “feeling bad” about our choices if it does not benefit the greater good. Actually, it’s very important that we do what is right for us, and all will benefit, though it might not be apparent immediately.

Now is the time for us to find our right place in the world. One of my teachers always says, “In nature, you don’t see a tree trying to be a bush, or a fox trying to be a wolf. Each plant and animal is an essential part of the ecosystem.” The human ecosystem also benefits when each person is doing what they love. It may seem a long way before we will allow everyone to do what they love, but there has been a great shift in this direction.

Parenting has changed a lot to allow children to be themselves instead of fitting into the family “mold.” New ways of teaching are developing to allow individual expression and child-led learning, as with Wallingford and Montessori schools, as well as homeschooling.

Have you ever had the experience of telling family or friends about something you are going to do and felt a weight in your stomach that did not feel good, and shifted what you did so they felt better about it? This reaction is guilt in you, or blame coming from them. Ever experienced a guilt trip? The good news is that it is easy to release the guilt. Once the guilt is released, you can make your choice based on what is right for you. This is another way that Process Coaching can assist you. We can find what is bothering you and get to the heart of the matter. We use Judgment Release plus looking into what you really, really want with Exploring Core Desire. We do not need guilt to be loving humans, but to be loving to ourselves spreads out to all people that we touch.

(To be continued, next month, with How to Accept Our Loved Ones Choices.) For more information about Process Coaching, go to http://www.ProcessCoaching.com.

Changing your way of eating…

The words I hear all the time when I suggest a change of diet are “It’s so hard!” When you think it is hard, it really is hard! I will come back to how we work with changing mind with PC. But even shifting perspectives or changing frames can help before the PC work begins.

I started with the title, “Changing your way of eating…” because I don’t really like to refer to it as a diet. When a diet is mentioned, it’s generally considered for weight loss. What I am talking about and encouraging is Optimal Health, so it’s more of a lifestyle change than a diet. But even a lifestyle change can be daunting to think of because it seems like your life could change in ways you’re not willing to change. For example, changing the way you eat can be quite tricky when eating out. I’m going to talk about a low fat raw vegan diet though it can apply for any change in diet. There are only two raw food restaurants currently open in the Seattle area, so as a raw foodist, if you want to eat out, you have to get creative! (The fact that low fat raw is harder to find on a raw food restaurant menu is another subject. I suggest the produce section!)

I learned from my favorite raw foodist experts, Roger Haeske, Dr. Douglas Graham and Frederic Patenaude, how to do this eloquently, so I’ll pass it on to you here. First, consider that eating out is more for the pleasure of company than the food. It is divine to be served and catered to when eating out. But really we eat out to enjoy the experience of eating out. It is the reason why so much effort and art are put into décor, ambience and presentation. So there are a couple things you can do to prepare for a dinner out.

Remember that it is your choice and you are the one that is making the decision to eat in a new way. The reasons can vary, even when life threatening in cases of cancer and disease, and even if recommended by your doctor, but it is ultimately your choice. So when people ask you if you “can” eat this or that, kindly let them know that you can eat whatever you want!  You are choosing to be more conscious of what you are putting into your body. 

Let them know that you can talk to them about the reasons you are changing your diet after the meal. It’s much more enjoyable to visit than talking about your diet for the __th time! Plus it can be received as a criticism of their own choices, especially if they are not happy with them.

Before you go out, prepare a favorite salad dressing and bring it in a small container that you can fit in your pocket or purse. You can let the server know that you are on a special diet and even ask them to put the dressing on the salad for you.

Eat a large amount of fruit before you get there. This can be as decadent as eating a fancy meal at a restaurant. When you satisfy your appetite before going out, your resistance against foods you no longer want to eat will be stronger.

Or bring your own fruit when eating out. Once again, let the server know that you are on a special diet and ask them to put the fruit on a plate for you. You can always call in advance and find out if it’s OK, in order to allay any fears or concerns that might come up. I have not been denied my requests yet. 

Prepare your own meal at home and invite guests to try your new fare.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve surprised and educated family and friends by eating the way I want to and inviting them to join me.

Another more expensive option is to order from a chef that delivers, although they also tend to be fatty (high in nuts, seeds, oils and avocado). There are all kinds of delivery services available, even raw meals.

These are just a few examples. I’m sure you can come up with more ideas! 

As far as the mind goes, you can either fight it or ask it to help.  There are a couple exercises in PC that we use to shift mind into helping gear: 

 

Judgment release helps a lot, as always. Is it really hard to change your diet? Try one thing at a time. You don’t have to do it all at once.

 

Asking the question, do you really, really really want what it is you are craving or feeling like you’re missing out on? Get to the Core Desire of what you want once you have that thing you think you want so much, before you eat it.

Talk to your Body! Direct Dialogue with Body is an excellent exercise. 

You have all the answers to your health questions. You might need a little practice to distinguish mind from body at first, but your body is talking to you all the time. Start listening. Eat one food at a time and see how your body responds. Remember that our bodies are generally severely out of balance. I am not talking about running after food cravings we know are not healthful! I’m talking about the stomachache after eating a meal!

 

Be patient. Body changes don’t happen overnight. Your current body form is the response and reflection of what you have been eating and how you have been exercising and loving your body. Be consistent with your new way of eating for at least 30 days, and even better, for 90 days to see your body remade.  

Be kind to yourself. When you slip up from eating in new ways, remember how long you’ve been eating in old ways!  Old patterns are only broken when they are finally broken!  You are the only one who can break your own old patterns, and they will pull you in until you do. Resist!  Every time you strengthen yourself in the direction of how you want to eat, you will find yourself even stronger to make other changes, and your Body will thank you. When the thought, “It’s too hard,” comes to mind, change your mind.

Self Love and Hurting the Ones We Love

It can seem very difficult to do what we want also because we are empathic beings. We have the awareness and often it is sentient (feeling) awareness that our loved ones feel pain by our choices.  Discovering what we want is the easy part when speaking directly to our core desire. The second part is to give our desire what she wants and follow through to help, and make it so. Then, we must allow others to have the feelings they have about our choices.

Sometimes just that you exist is enough to hurt another, but again it is not you who is causing the pain.  It seems like we are the cause because we are the triggers. But we are not the cause. The cause can be difficult to see when the feelings are in a state of denial from the past, so we blame the trigger.

Then we avoid doing what we want or hiding the facts that we have done what we want in the moment, even if it’s a mistake that we would like to rewrite if we could, rather than hurt another. So now we are truly hurting ourselves in shame, another facet of guilt and judgment. Because we are so enmeshed in our relationships with each other we find it difficult to differentiate between the trigger, the other person’s feelings and our own feelings.

In Process work we use Perceptual Positions to differentiate and follow feelings back to the source of self denial and pain, to get to the real matter at hand. We practice in retrospect until we can use the tools in the moment of a trigger.

The Perceptual Positions and Judgment Release make it easy to let go of bad “feelings” of guilt, shame and even blame. Compassion and love are able to come through and shine light on the situation.

The bigger picture is revealed and it can be seen that what is best for one person, allows each to find their right place without tip toeing around to please the other.

Intent

While preparing for my upcoming yoga and Process Coaching workshops I really felt at home in myself, knowing that right now, I am doing exactly what I want to be doing!  My mentor, John Pateros and my other fellow Process Coaches and Teachers were on a conference call talking about why this work is important to us as individuals and what do we want to learn or get out of teaching this work. This is how we decide which tools to focus on for each class in the series. Since I’m so passionate about this work I thought I would take this time to share this with you. Because this is the reason I have taken this work outside of myself to you.

 

In the beginning of my journey I sought to know myself. I wasn’t aware of this at the time. At the start of being aware of myself, it seemed as if there would be no end to the work to be done (and there isn’t—but wouldn’t that be boring if there was?). It seemed like a hopeless, uphill battle with myself and my world. I was coming out of being quite existentialist actually and felt much gloom and doom around me.

 

The first flicker of awareness in me was hope. That hope sparked in me a desire to seek out more than what had been presented to me in my life. So I ventured to ask questions and became a seeker. Since then I have been seeking, but for what? I did not know that it was for myself that I was seeking. But I had begun the quest. 

 

I love to read so books so I devoured many books from many religions and philosophies, science, fiction and biographies. As I sorted it out, I kept an open mind and began a sort of collection of what works resonated within me the most.

 

What I was seeking of myself, was the feminine in me.  Not as in female or woman, but the feminine in everything. Not to deny or undermine the masculine—but to find balance between the two. The feminine as in emotions and feelings, desire, passion, movement, sexuality and sensuality, honored as part of humanity—rather than a sort of bane of humanity.

 

I’ve wavered off the path I set out for myself time to time, been lost in the bushes or at a picnic, wavered on what seemed to be a cliff’s edge here and there, wandered over in wonder at a flower or followed the trail of a butterfly, fell in a couple of ditches, brushed myself off and returned to the path, countless times. Ultimately I return. It is my own path and it is my individual choices that I have made along the way, and with this work I’ve become more compassionate and loving to the choices I have made. I have become more compassionate and loving of others than I dreamed of being possible with my formerly existentialist outlook. I was afraid of what I would find—and found myself.

 

And now I get to share that with my friends, family and students, clients, or anyone willing to listen and learn, to explore themselves and their own paths to themselves—if they wish to do so. We grow individually and come back together, to be more true to ourselves and full of life.

 

Namaste, I honor you as I honor myself. Thank you for opening up to the possibility to explore new ways of being.